Why Men Cheat: 5 Most Common Reasons

By Andy Boyd

You’ve just found out that your partner of many years has done the one thing you feared most – betrayed you. You are probably tearing your brain apart, trying to understand what made him do such a thing. While each man and couple is different, these are some of the most common explanations behind such an act.

1. Unsatisfying sex life

As dull as it may sound, it is actually true that sex problems in a relationship are the most common perpetrator when it comes to cheating. Whether it’s about quality or quantity, fetishes or simple ennui, your partner is bound to have had some dissatisfactions in the sexual department. 

Of course, that does not mean it falls solely on your shoulders to keep the flames of your intimate life burning. However, it is a topic worth looking into and understanding if it comes down to facing betrayal in your relationship. Especially if you want to give it another go and give him and your relationship another chance. As hard as it may be, you need to talk to your partner and address what exactly was missing or going wrong in your sex life if you are to reconnect. On the other hand, if you are sure you can’t forgive or forget, it is best not to enquire further. And, even if you do, it shouldn’t be about what his sex life with this other woman had to offer. That will neither help nor make this betrayal any easier for you to accept or get over. 

2. Novelty seeking

Some might call it a mid-life crisis, but really what it often comes down to for many men is feeling something new and exciting again. Your man is no exception when it comes to the temptation of something out of the ordinary. The main reason is that novelty can make one feel “alive” again. This is a dangerous trap if you have been in a relationship or marriage for a very long time. 

You might think this all happened because of another woman being able to offer more than you could. Telling yourself that is not only useless and unnecessarily hurtful but also wrong in such cases. You need to understand that his betrayal isn’t necessarily related to searching for better sex or a more attractive woman. 

3. Low self-esteem

This is one of the oldest tricks in the book, but men still seem to fall for it when they feel their self-worth dwindling. And this might be the case for your partner as well. 

If he sought to reassert his self-esteem, cheating with another woman would have been a fast and easy way to do so. It might not make much sense to you, but you have to remember that he is a man, and feeling macho and having a testimony of his masculinity is often different in his perspective. 

It usually isn’t even related to how much he really loves you because it comes down to how much he values and loves himself. If he measures his worth as a man by how many women he can conquer or sleep with, it is a problem he has to sort out himself. You can do little to change his view on life, and, honestly, it is not your job to do so. And as hard as it is to accept it, you are better off without him.

4. Depression or anxiety

The reason your partner has cheated on you can sometimes be as hurtful for him as it is for you. If he suffers from depression or anxiety, it is not unusual for him to seek experiences that would offer him positive feelings. Depression and infidelity often go hand in hand. If he struggles with these mental health difficulties, he probably cannot feel happiness and satisfaction as he used to. While this is not an excuse or a free pass for cheating, it is essential to know why this has happened to you both.

If he felt incredibly lonely and isolated in his relationship with you and had difficulty expressing himself, depression and anxiety only made these aspects worse. And, yes, the impact of his actions on your person won’t change much just because you know depression had a hand in it. You will still feel devastated and find it hard to cope with this new reality. However, you might want to reconsider saving your relationship, knowing that this is not something your man would have usually done under normal circumstances.

5. Declining relationship satisfaction

It might sound generic, but your cheating partner might have had many motives behind his actions. Ordinarily, many of them stem from a lack of communication. It might be that you were always fighting but not really dealing with the issues underneath. Being stressed out by work or childcare and not addressing the need for emotional and physical intimacy could have led to this. 

In the end, declining relationship satisfaction can come down to anything. That’s why it is crucial to remain open and talk to your partner about the difficulties you face. Otherwise, it might be too late.

Whether you are looking to salvage your relationship with your cheating partner or are simply seeking to understand the cause of betrayal so you can avoid it in the future, remember these 5 aspects. They might not make the hurt go away, but at least you will be better prepared and able to make an informed decision before moving forward.

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Andy Boyd

Andy is a storyteller who loves good books and good jokes. In the rare moments he isn’t writing, you can find him jogging in the park or perfecting bbq ribs. He is a contributing author at GoDates, and several other online magazines.