An Ex Longing to Return…

An ex might express a desire to rekindle a relationship or they might be acting friendly. How can one know which it is?

Acting one way or the other might give the wrong impression. Being cognizant of and reading all the signs an ex puts forth helps determine their intent. From a place of knowledge, one can decide if their desires coincide with their ex.

Consideration # 1: A Magnetic Draw

Attraction to an ex occurs quite often. People recall how their relationship started and long for the same feelings they felt before. Some might long for the familiar. Or perhaps they have yet to find anyone who stirs them in the same way. One needs to see if the attraction is mutual. Caring for an ex more than they care likely leads to more heart break. Conversely, sensing a lack of feelings for one’s ex creates a recipe for not moving to the next thing.

Consideration # 2: Easy Conversation

Speaking to an ex who is looking to return often feels easy. Old jokes come up. They ask about how things are. Even surface topics feel richer when talking about them with an ex. As with attraction, the free flow of information and banter needs to be equal on both sides. An ex interested in returning will seek to know about you and share about what is going on with them.

Consideration # 3: Relational Checking

A common question for an ex seeking to return will be about the status of one’s relationships. Are you seeing someone? Is it serious? Are you happy? While the questions sound innocent on the surface, an ex might be wanting to know if an opening to return exists. Being honest about things is vital. Downplaying a current relationship holds out hope to the ex and makes them bolder. Building up the relational status might scare an ex away.

Consideration # 4: Seeming Different

Change can be the greatest indicator of an ex looking to return. A distrustful former lover may make greater efforts to tone down their behavior to give a better impression. Watch for wild and unsustainable swings. While it is nice to believe a person may move heaven and earth to change, often the same person with all their longings and attitudes wait right outside the door. Hope but verify things are different.

What You Feel

Ultimately, one needs to decide what they want. A warm feeling of being pursued, especially if things ended poorly, has the potential to blind someone to the trouble right around the corner. Search your own heart. Do you still care for this person and love them enough to get back with them? If not, you need to be honest with them.

Reconciling with an ex is a tempting romantic trope. There are books, movies and songs about an ex begging to be taken back. Second chances are important. Great love can grow out of rekindled romance. You need to decide if that is what you want. If not, tell them the truth, so both of you can move toward the future even if it may be without each other.

Recommended Books on Marriage Reconciliation:

This list is based on recommended books as at Dec 28,2017. If you have read a book on this matter and it has helped you, please leave a comment below.

1. Getting Back Together: How To Reconcile With Your Partner – And Make It Last
   • Getting back together is the solid, comprehensive guide you can count on to get your relationship back on track. No matter what issues you may face, this step-by-step program shows you how to take the initiative, reconcile your differences, and remake your relationship–from the ground up.

     In this completely revised edition, Drs. Young and Goetz provide the most current studies and relationship evaluation tools available. They also include numerous inspiring real-life stories of couples that have resurrected and renewed their relationships.

2. Winning Your Wife Back Before It’s Too Late
   • I have to include this book by Gary Smalley. Winning your wife back from emotional or physical separation is more than doing the same things with more intensity. It involves developing a whole new strategy to overcome what seem to be overwhelming odds to attain a come-from-behind victory. In Winning Your Wife Back Before It’s Too late, Gary Smalley utilizes the following game plan to significantly increase your chances for a “miracle comeback”:

     Understand “penalty flags”
     Open a closed spirit
     Honor your wife and children
     Develop sacrificial love
     Initiate change in yourself
     Be accountable by joining a support group