The Affair Type Quiz

AFFAIR TYPE QUIZ

IRI classifies infidelity into 7 Affair Types.  Each affair type is very different.  Only a person that cheated can understand their personal motives. You may find it challenging to align yourself to one of these affair types. For example, sexual addiction is a media favorite to describe a person with a strong sex drive, and who cheats.  However, sexual addiction has a medical definition, and a specific treatment program. The desire for sex and cheating does not equal a label of “sex addict.”

Before you begin answering, you may want to know an affair can begin as one affair type, but evolve into another affair type.  For example, a one night stand can become a romantic affair time  if the couple does not do any relationship repair work after discovery of the affair.  A Cheating person often will not work on the relationship issues until they have to e.g.  filing for divorce, removing visitation with the children, public embarrassment etc. If you started the affair as one affair type, and now it is another affair type, just take note of the two affair types.

At first it will be hard to separate your story and relate to one of these affair types. Perhaps all the points do not match your situation exactly. However, I believe that to move forward, you must understand your patterns. Breaking your pattern will assist in future infidelity prevention. It will also help your recovery as a couple.

Complete the following sets of questions, answering YES or NO to each question.

Set 1

1) Is this your (or your partner’s) first affair?

2) Do you (does your partner) feel guilty about the affair?

3) Do you (does your partner) feel shame about the affair?

4) Did the affair last less than 4 months?

5) Did the affair happen only once?

6) Do you and your partner usually have a happy relationship?

7) Do you believe in monogamy?

8) Do both of you want your marriage to continue?

9) Was there emotional involvement with the affair partner?

Your affair or your partner’s affair is probably an Accidental Affair if you answer yes to most of the questions from 1 to 8 and no to question 9.


Set 2

1) Is this your (or your partner’s) first or second affair?

2) Do you (does your partner) feel guilty about the affair?

3) Have you been married less than 12 years?

4) Did the affair last less than 4 months?

5) Do you and your partner avoid talking about issues that might lead to disagreement or conflict?

6) Do you and your partner usually try to avoid hurting each other’s feelings?

7) Do you believe that you are regarded by friends and acquaintances as the model couple?

8) Do both of you want your marriage to continue?

9) Are you (is your partner) having a hard time ending the affair?

Your affair or your partner’s affair is probably a Conflict Avoidance Affair if you answer yes to most of the questions from 1 to 8 and no to question 9.


Set 3

1) Have both of you had affairs in the last year or so?

2) Did the affair(s) last less than 4 months?

3) Do you get into a lot of fights with each other?

4) Do you find that every disagreement turns into a battle?

5) Are your fights the most emotionally intense moments in your relationship?

6) Do both of you want your marriage to continue?

7) Are you (is your partner) having a hard time ending the affair?

Your affair or your partner’s affair is probably an Intimacy Avoidance Affair if you answer yes to most of the questions from 1 to 6 and no to question 7.


Set 4

1) Are you addicted to alcohol, drugs, food or any other substance?

2) Do you (or does your spouse) engage in other compulsive sexual behavior, such as porno, or cybersex?

3) Do you (or does your spouse) engage in numerous one-night stands or brief affairs?

4) Have you (or your spouse) had affairs throughout your relationship?

5) Was either of your parents sexually addicted?

6) Were you sexually abused as a child?

Your affair or your partner’s affair is probably a Sexual Addiction Affair if you answer yes to most of the questions from 1 to 6.


Set 5

1) Has your affair (or your spouse’s affair) lasted more than 2 years?

2) Do you and your spouse live separate lives?

3) Have you (or your spouse) had fewer than 5 affairs?

4) If the affair has ended, are you (or is your spouse) tempted to resume it?

5) Do you believe that marriage and family are important?

6) Has much of your marriage been devoted to parenting?

7) Are you troubled by your inability to choose between your spouse and your affair partner?

8) If you answered yes to #7, do you find yourself changing your mind about which one to choose?

9) Do you typically put a lot of energy into making things work the way you think they should?

10) Is your affair partner ten or more years younger than you are?

Your affair or your partner’s affair is probably a Split Self Affair if you answer yes to most of the questions from 1 to 10.


Set 6

1) Do you (does your spouse) want to end your marriage to be with the affair partner?

2) Have you (or your spouse) already cut your emotional ties to the marriage?

3) Have you (or your spouse) decided to end your marriage?

4) If yes to #3, do you believe that you can move ahead with your plans to separate?

5) Was the duration of your affair (or your spouse’s) from 10 months to less than 2 years?

6) Is your affair partner fifteen or more years younger than you are?

7) Are endings hard for you?

8) Do you have ambivalent feelings that make it difficult for you to act on your decision to end your marriage?

Your affair or your partner’s affair is probably an Exit Affair if you answer yes to most of the questions from 1 to 7 and no to question 8.


Set 7

1) Are you focused on achievement and success?

2) Do you compartmentalize the different aspects of your life?

3) Do you take risks, believing that somehow it will all work out – it always has in the past?

4) Were you brought up to be the “star child” or to fulfill a parent’s unfulfilled dreams?

5) Do you sometimes lie to avoid unpleasant outcomes?

6) Are you consciously aware of your emotions?

7) When you want something, do you expect to get it?

8) Do you actively participate with your spouse and your children?

Your affair or your partner’s affair is probably a Entitlement Affair if you answer yes to most of the questions from 1 to 7 and no to question 8.


Set 8

1) Have you always had affairs or cheating on your partner?

2) Did the affair(s) last less than 4 months?

3) Have you lost count of the number of affairs you have had?

4) Do you believe monogamy is a myth?

5) Are you highly competitive?

6) Have you “seduced” ex-partners?

7) Would you like to stay married?

8) Do you believe Men & Woman’s role are equal?

9) Do you want to stop having affairs?

Your affair or your partner’s affair is probably an Philanderer Affair if you answer yes to most of the questions from 1 to 7 and no to question 8 to 9.

2 Comments

  1. Luz

    I had an emotional affair that lasted 8 YEARS. IT’S BBEN 18 years since I ve talked to him. My husband of 26 years just found and is deeply. Hurt and angry with me. He hates and detest me. I love my husband and want to be with him. He doesn’t want to go to counceling. I am desperste, sad , and feel a lot of remorse and guilt. I know in my heart that I never felt love for any one else. I love my husband and wish with all my heart for anither chance.

    Reply
    • Anne

      You deserve nothing

      Reply

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