Sexual Addiction: Understanding It and How to Treat It

Sexual addiction, also known as hypersexuality, is a sexual behavior disorder that involves an excessive preoccupation with sexual fantasies and urges. It is characterized by recurrent and compulsive sexual thoughts, behaviors or acts, that interfere with daily life activities and cause significant distress. Sexual addiction may include behaviors such as frequent use of pornography, exhibitionism, voyeurism, compulsive masturbation, and promiscuous sexual encounters.

Sexual addiction is a true addiction, just like gambling addiction or the addiction to drugs and/or alcohol. Sex addiction is real and truly difficult to process/understand. It is NOT the worst type of affair (as it’s an addiction rather than a lack of love/desire for the spouse).

Sex Addiction is classified under the DSM 5 under Compulsive Behavior Disorder. Just like other addictions, the rush of dopamine and endorphins can be visible in MRIs in a much more significant way than in sample groups. Ironically, sex addiction DOES NOT mean an urge to have more sex. It means a distorted view of sex, and a way to obtain a high.

The signs and symptoms of sexual addiction may vary from person to person. They can range from mild to severe and may include a persistent desire to engage in sexual behavior, feeling out of control when engaging in sexual activities, difficulty in controlling impulses, and having a preoccupation with sexual fantasies. Other symptoms may include neglecting personal responsibilities, compromising relationships, and experiencing negative consequences such as problems with the law or work-related issues.

You will find a lot of information about sex addiction here on this site.

Various factors can contribute to the development of sexual addiction. These include childhood trauma or abuse, a history of sexual addiction in the family, low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. In some cases, the addiction may be a result of an underlying mental health condition such as bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder.

The treatment of sexual addiction may involve therapy, medication, or a combination of both.

Medications such as antidepressants or anti-anxiety medications may also be prescribed by a healthcare professional. Neuroscientists have found that while many addictions are used as “uppers”, sex addiction is used as a “downer”. There are medications that help treat the condition by way of side effects that lower libido. It does not prevent acting out, but it makes it much easier.

Counseling, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or psychoanalytic therapy, can be helpful in identifying and addressing underlying psychological issues.

Support groups, such as Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA), can provide emotional support and a sense of community. SAA, just like AA, is a 12 step program that guides SA w the task of becoming sober.

Self-help strategies such as engaging in healthy activities, practicing relaxation techniques, and avoiding triggers can also be beneficial.

Treating sexual addiction becomes difficult should the addiction be coupled with other personality disorders, such as narcissistic personality disorder. Quite frequently men who have sexual addictions belong to a friend group of like-minded individuals, who support the toxic mindset and behaviors. Both of these challenges can provide a huge barrier to overcoming the sexual addiction. It would be very difficult to live in a relationship with a sex attic who has narcissistic personality disorder and also surrounds himself with other men who participate in hyper sexual activities.

Affair recovery is complex and does not follow a straight line. For some people, therapy is the way to go. For other people, alternative methods may be more beneficial. Some may find a hypnotherapy recording suitable.

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Compulsive Lying

Sex addiction rarely occurs in isolation and co-occurs with other conditions such as bipolar, OCD, ADHD, etc. The sex addict may need to work on other personal challenges, such as insecurity, aging, compulsions, and pathological lying.

One’s attachment style will also be a good indicator of the reason they could be staying in the marriage versus wanting to work on their challenges, and also work on becoming a better person in the marriage. The need to feel securely attached to their spouse creates environment of narcissism and gaslighting, so, the sexually addicted partner benches off on secret rendezvous’s to have their sexual needs met.

Research has shown that the majority of sex addicts who go through recovery and do the right things by their partners go on to become beautiful partners, fathers, and members of society.

The challenges of being in a relationship with a sex addict

The difference between a one-night stand affair, and the sex addiction affair is vast. There is a compulsion to any addiction, and the compulsion, if left, untreated will determine how frequently the individual with sexual addiction engages in toxic behavior. When you’re in a relationship with an individual with sex addiction, it can be mentally and physically exhausting.

One of the most complex client cases that I have seen, the sex addict had sex with more than 60+ women over 10 years. The couple was deeply religious and otherwise had a wonderful family, and family-run business. Because of the husbands deeply religious upbringing, where sex was considered taboo, he developed, unhealthy habits around sex. When he came to therapy, it was clear he was deeply troubled by his behaviour, and was looking for a path to help save his family. Mostly, he was deeply, ashamed and embarrassed of the pain he caused his wife. With both individuals working on themselves, and on the marriage, they were able to find a strategy and a path forward. Fast, tracking several years, I happened to meet the couple at a local training event. They shared with me that their marriage has never been happier, and while there are challenging times, they have the tools to lean into each other at the top of the addiction cycle.

Not all experiences with a sex addict are as positive as the one I spoke of above. And even with counseling, or in group therapy, the sex addict may be too deep in their addiction to be able to engage in a healthy marriage. In the example below, the wife of the sex addict explains her journey of having a husband working through his sexual addiction disorder.

“The affair did not actually end until May 2020 as far as I know. She was not the only one as he had a few others he was talking with re: sex and photos and such. I then discovered just recently as part of his sex addiction tell all (recommended by his SA group and therapist) that he actually broke our vows 8 months into our marriage by having sex with a man. I even found out that a couple years prior to our marriage while we were together that he paid prostitutes for oral (2 women and 1 trans).

He is currently incarcerated due to issues with his sex addiction and due to anger/abuse issues towards others. He said he was going to work on himself while in there and I am taking care of everything all the bills and kids and working full time. I just found out that he called one of his previous cheating sexting partners while in there. He says he is going to go to intensive SA inpatient care when he gets out.

It is hard to take care of all this alone and I don’t know if I can handle it long term as he gets out in a few months. But I also am so unhappy in the marriage. And he is abusive as well even while attending DV classes. On one hand I know I deserve better but on the other I feel so sad and don’t understand why he won’t stop tearing our family apart. He cries and begs for me to stay but doesn’t change. Maybe he is crazy. Or maybe I am. I don’t know anymore.”

Walking away from a marriage should never be taken lightly, when is it time to look after yourself and your own mental health? You need to go on a personal journey and unlink the hooks and thought processes that keep you locked in your marriage. Each person will have a different reason and decision to make on whether to stay or go.

Link: Website of S-ANON This website provides excellent resources for individuals who have been impacted by the effects of another person’s sexual behaviour. Online meetings are available as well, and the meetings are open only to those seeking recovery from the effects of another person’s sexual addiction.

Give yourself and your spouse time but don’t make any decisions. I always tell my clients to give it 99 days and if they are willing to safeguard your heart, build empathy and work hard on their recovery and your healing then it’s worth salvaging. It’s also important to give yourself some grieving time. Time to process the pain caused and some of the consequences as a result of the sexual addiction that has prevented you from feeling happy. If the sex addict continues to do the right thing by you, and by your relationship and can help set through your pain and triggers, then there is no reason why U2 shouldn’t be able to make it.

If you suspect that you may have a sexual addiction, it is important to seek professional help. A healthcare provider or mental health professional can diagnose sexual addiction by conducting a comprehensive assessment. They may inquire about behavior patterns, frequency of sexual behaviors, and the impact it has on your life. If you or a loved one is struggling with sexual addiction or related issues, there is hope. Seeking treatment can bring about positive change and lead to a better quality of life.

Sexual addiction is a complex issue that can affect anyone. It is essential to understand its causes and symptoms to seek appropriate treatment. Remember, sexual addiction is treatable, and overcoming it requires support, perseverance, and a willingness to change.

Seeking help is the first step towards a healthier and happier future. Life is precious, and taking control of your sexual behavior can help you achieve a fulfilling and meaningful life.