Marriage is a union that brings two people of different temperaments to live together. Usually, we see that after wedding, couples spend the initial part of their wedlock in finding a common ground for their treats, temperaments and potentials. This period is usually delicate as it determines how the latter part of their family life would look like. It also helps such a couple cope despite their differences. But when a spouse has an uncontrollable anger, he might pose as a threat to the other.
We hear people ascribe such lack of self/emotional control to having a short temper. Thus, being short tempered is a personality disorder caused by several factors ranging from psychological, biological, environmental or social. The individual expresses spontaneous and reckless behaviors in response to the emotions dished into him/her by a certain factor, external or internal. They tend to flare up for no just reason and could be violent too, thereby destroying property, inflicting injury on themselves or people around them.
To the women folk, living with a short tempered husband is referred to living in an apartment with an open roof. When the rain or sun comes, it would beat you up. These vices are common to both sex, their emotions are as unstable as a stick of dynamite ready to ignite, although they could be nice on a general note.
On this note, we’ve chosen to be particular about ways to handle and outwit such temperance in a relationship.
Do not add oil to the fire:
It is important that you should understand your spouse or partner well enough to know when the fire of anger is on. In such moments, be mindful of what you say or do to avoid adding oil to the fire. Anger is temporary so while he is in that mood give him some time to recover.
Recognize the triggers:
One of the essence of courtship is to allow you understand your partner’s temperament, so as to know what could possibly be a trigger to his/her anger. If you’ve got a partner who throws tantrums because of things you did or didn’t do, a common ground would mean adjusting and giving up some habits for a common interest. We should also note that some persons are never pleased no matter what you do for them. If he is such type, then let him be.
Whenever you notice that the fire of anger is about to explode, you can try to quench it by initiating a gesture that would arouse laughter. You can use flattering words at this time to calm him down before explaining things to him. Most anger sprout from misunderstanding so you should clarify things before it goes out of control.
Don’t get angry in response:
At that moment when he is angry and accusing you of something you didn’t do, you might be tempted to react in anger too. They say “two wrongs can’t make a right” so whenever he is having mood flings, you should control yourself from reacting likewise.
Explain when he’s calmed down:
When he is angry, it would be wrong to start listing out what he should have done but didn’t do because that would provoke him more. Allow him to calm down before explaining his wrongs and misunderstanding.
Do not tolerate disrespect, set your boundaries:
If your husband is always disrespecting you when he is angry then you should challenge his attitude. Don’t be afraid of him. If you don’t, it becomes his habit and you might just have to live with it as long as he continues to act that way.
There should be a limit as to what you can tolerate when he is angry. Maltreatment shouldn’t be allowed. Setting boundaries and making them known to your spouse is an effective anger management technique.
Encourage him to change:
During an outburst you can encourage your spouse to imbibe some cool habits such as taking a deep breath or meditating. You should also inform him of the dangers of anger. Encourage him to attend anger management classes too.
Be patient with him:
Marriage is the game of patience. But it is not as difficult as it is perceived to be, especially when there is an understanding and when you know what ticks your partner. Give him time to change.
Know when to walk away:
I heard of a lady whose husband due to anger always threw tantrum, embarrasses and beats her up. Despite the tactics she used to pacify him, he was just making her life miserable. She had continued in the relationship until she was killed by her husband. Know when you should take a walk because an abusive relationship is not worth the stress.
On a general note, marriage is a divine gift by God in which families are formed and procreation is continued. We should also be mindful that a gift could become a blessing or curse depending on how we use or abuse it. Although all humans are emotional beings, thereby making us tantamount to moods, stimulus and emotional expressions, our ability to exercise self-control in all situations and as well respect the human rights of other fellows is what makes us real individuals.