One of the major reasons of getting married is to have the opportunity of experiencing the joy of motherhood and fatherhood. For some people, they get blessed with children even before asking for it, others go through hell before having a child while a few never have a child of their own no matter how hard they try.
Infertility is the cause of most infidelity which in turn leads to broken marriages. But in situations where a spouse knew his/her partner was sterile before marriage, they might decide to adopt immediately after getting married.
When Jane and Ken got married they were so much in love and had vowed to remain faithful. Just like other couples, they had planned to have kids. The first few years of their marriage felt like heaven but things later changed. Jane narrated her experience to me.
“As a child, I loved kids a lot. I used to touch every cute baby I saw and I just couldn’t wait to be a mother. My husband Ken, was also a child lover. We had both desired to have three kids. I remember how happy he was when I first got pregnant. He started shopping for the baby even before we knew the baby’s sex.
Nine months down the lane, I was rushed into the labor ward for a delivery. I had wished for an easy delivery but unfortunately I got the opposite. I had serious complications during delivery which resulted to a still born baby and a damaged womb. I remember when I woke up in the hospital and was told that my baby didn’t survive, I cried bitterly”
When Ken was told that his wife might never become a mother again, he felt bad but hid his feelings. He needed to be strong enough to console his wife. Two years after that incident, they were hoping for a miracle but when none happened, they decided to go for surrogacy.
The journey to in vitro fertilization had its own issues too. After series of eggs and sperms retrieval, there was no successful fertilization. It was either the eggs weren’t viable enough or the sperms couldn’t swim to the eggs. They gave up trying after 6 unsuccessful IVF cycles.
“While I was working on having a baby, I was too busy to notice that Ken was drifting away from me. He suddenly started eating outside and keeping late nights. I didn’t take it serious until it got to the point that he was always leaving home for business trips. One day, I requested to join him on his trip but he refused. When he left, I got information from his friends and tracked him to the hotel where he had lodged. On getting there, my worst fears were confirmed. Ken was cheating.”
Ken was actually facing pressure from his family. His mum was expecting a grandchild from him so when she was told that Jane couldn’t have a child, she quickly suggested that he divorced her. Besides, she never liked Jane for her son.
When Jane confronted her husband about his infidelity, he told her that he only needed a child from the other woman and was still in love with her. She was reassured with those statements. Along the line, the other lady got pregnant and had twin babies. Jane was happy on the arrival of the babies. She felt the babies’ mum would exchange the babies for some cash and be gone from her husband’s life. Probably, that was what her husband had told her. But her expectations were crushed.
“After the kids arrival, Ken completely drifted from me. He had rented another apartment for his babies’ mama and spent most of his time there. Initially, I was visiting the apartment to assist with some chores. But each time I went there, Ken’s mum and his babies’ mama would act up somehow. I felt like they were mocking at me so I stopped going there.”
“What I feared so much was losing my husband. But my worst fears caught up with me the day Ken came home and said he needed a divorce. His babies’ mama wasn’t ready to release the kids to him neither was he ready to be separated from his kids. So the only solution was for him to get married to her.”
“I cried and begged him not to leave but he refused because he had fallen in love with her. I held on for some time hoping he would change his mind. I hoped for a miracle but when it didn’t come forth, I signed the divorce papers and we got separated. I was hurt and wished my fate turned out differently. It took me time to accept everything and move on.”
Women are the ones often blamed when no baby is born after years of marriage. But most times, the men are actually the ones with sterility issues. To avoid “When are you guys having a baby?” questions from friends and family, some women actually cheat just to get babies. Some do this to save their marriage and hide their husbands’ infertility weakness. Do you think such act is commendable?
No doubt, there are still some women who get pregnant for outsiders even when they have a fertile husband. As a man, what if you found out that you aren’t the biological father to the kids your wife had given birth to? Would you dissolve your marriage on that premises?
Marriage is a holy and strong bond. You shouldn’t let your partner’s infertility put it asunder. No one wishes to be sterile so you shouldn’t judge nor punish your partners for what fate brought upon them. Instead of cheating, you can focus on finding treatment/solution measures. If there be any need to get a baby from outside, your partner should be aware of it. No matter the challenges you’ll meet in your marriages, hold on to the first love you had for your spouse and ensure everything is handled amicably.