Pornography is the exhibition and advertising of sex out of the doors of its original context, giving the act a fake, superficial or even dangerous perspective. In reality, pornography is all about massive business traffic. And for the beneficiaries of this traffic, it does not count what means they use, how many bodies they sleep with, or how long they last because they are sure of being paid. This offers the idea that you can have sex every time, everywhere, with anyone and finally, for money.
What do you think about married couples watching pornography? A review on this showed that about 80% of married couples have watched pornography. These couples said watching pornography actually helps in improving their sexual skills hence it was considered harmless. Does pornography actually teach the sex act? Or does it portray something not obtainable in reality?
Statistics show that men are more involved in pornographic viewing because it creates and grants easy sexual satisfaction. Such men end up with a wrong perspective that portrays sex as a game and women, as toys.
What Happens When Porn is allowed in Your Marriage?
Wives stand to lose more when they accept porn as a manual for the sexual activities carried out in their homes. Do you know why? No matter how hard you try you may never do it as better as the porn star on the screen. This is because what you see over there is mostly drug induced and far from reality.
Let us discuss eight harms pornography would do to your marriage.
Porn leads to isolation:
Porn use can lead to less interest in real sex. When a partner becomes a pornographic addict he/she tends to isolate from their partner especially when their partner might be in need of them. They would rather enjoy the secret moments of masturbation.
Loss of trust:
Every relationship is expected to be built on trust. Porn on the other hand destroys trust as it depicts its actors as unfaithful and untrustworthy. Porn viewers transfer this ideology into reality and this affects how they see their spouse.
When you discover that your partner is addicted to pornography, you’ll get hurt and might feel as though your partner has been cheating. It takes a long time to build trust, but it is easy to destroy it quickly. Porn breaks trust and violates the intimacy of the love relationship.
Porn invites comparison:
What we see gets stuck in our memory and creates room for comparison. For example, while making love, a husband who watches porn might be reminded of how the actress had her butts banging and dangling. He might be forced to compare his wife’s body with the surgically enhanced body he sees on the screen. What about the threesome and foursome sex escapades he sees online? This could make him consider his wife as boring since she can’t offer him such.
This is often an issue for the wife whose husband is struggling with porn. In my conversation with numerous wives who have been through this, their husbands’ porn addiction made them feel as though they weren’t good enough for him.
If I knew my husband was looking at other women, I would feel I am not pretty enough, not sexy enough, or not worthy of love and affection. While the struggle with porn is far greater than what the wife may think, the issue of loss of self-worth is still there.
Porn affects love making:
First, it wrecks the libido of the users. It could get so bad that they wouldn’t get turned on by their partners anymore. Porn also shows you that only certain body types are attractive. It’s not about the whole person; it’s just a certain type of person.
Porn makes it hard to be tender when you have sex. Porn users often feel sex should be rushed and forced. There’s often no foreplay, no waiting to arouse someone nor emotional connection. It’s just taking what you want.
Porn demeans women
When a man is exposed to porn, he tends to believe that women enjoy being dominated and abused. Pornography makes him objectify women and no longer sees them as individually unique or valuable because of the demeaning manner in which women and sex are portrayed on porn movies.
Porn bridges intimacy:
Sexual intimacy is one of the strengtheners in marriage. Unfortunately, involvement in pornography makes sex between partners to be just about the body. There’s a big difference between having sex and making love. Sex is about the bodily pleasure while making love is about connection.
When the intimacy in a marriage is bridged, the addicted partner might start looking for other ways to satisfy his/her sexual fantasy.
Porn increases marital infidelity:
Pornography teaches that you can get down with just anyone at any place and anytime. This in reality affects the porn addict thereby making him/her to have a diminishing commitment towards marriage. The fantasy alternative leads to real-world cheating.
A client complained of how her husband was initially disturbing her to be involved in a threesome with him and his friend. She had succumbed probably because she also wanted to know how it would feel. After the incident, it suddenly became a norm and each time she says “No!” he brings in other ladies for threesome and foursome.
The society tells us that if you don’t allow pornography in your relationship, your partner might be driven to cheat. Besides, porn can help him get some quick orgasm when the wife isn’t available so why shouldn’t it be allowed? In reality, pornography exposes your partner to infidelity. Porn-free marriages are usually stronger and have lower rate of infidelity.
Two researchers on pornography, Professors Jennings Bryant and Dolf Zillman reported that in all the legitimate research they’ve studied over the years, they have found no benefits to pornography, only damage. In 2004, Dr. Jill Manning found out that 56% of divorce cases involved one party having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.
Similarly, the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers polled 350 divorce attorneys in 2003, where two-thirds of them reported that the internet played a significant role in the divorces, with excessive interest in online porn contributing to more than half of such cases. That means that roughly 500,000 marriages annually are failing due to pornography.
If your marriage means everything to you then you’ll guard against everything that might seem harmless but has long term negative effects on your relationship. Fight against pornography in your home same way you would fight hard to prevent alcoholism or drug addiction.