The Other Woman

If there is anything I love so much about my profession, it is the opportunity I get to listen to my clients as they pour out their depressing issues. What most depressed people need is someone to share their story with. With permission from my client, I would be sharing her story on infidelity. Do note that the names here aren’t the real names.

“My name is Celina. I am 39 years old and I am a divorcee. I would like to share how my marriage was ruined by the Other Woman who was part of my ex-husband’s life throughout the 4 years of courtship and 3 years of marriage I spent with him. When I came into Chris’ life, I noticed that he was flirtatious. I caught him cheating on several occasions, he pleaded and I forgave him because I loved him so much.

Why did i tolerate his infidelity? Because I felt he was going to change after marriage. But did he really change? Yes! He did but it was for the worst. One thing about him was; after he sleeps with a lady, he completely erases every connection with her and moves on to a new catch. But I noticed that there was one particular lady he was always in contact with, year after year.

Her name was Joanna and she was his first love. According to him, they dated during high school but got separated by distance when she relocated to another country. That was when I came into the picture as his new girlfriend. I fell in love with him at first sight before I knew of his Other Woman.

My ex was very intimate with the Other Woman and confided in her everything about him. Due to distance barrier they never met with each other, but they would chat for long hours. What I hated most was when I saw that he was telling her stuffs about me. When I asked him why he was still communicating with her, he said they were just communicating as friends. I guess she didn’t see it that way.

She was far away and didn’t know her man had started a new relationship. When she found out about me, she broke up with him and probably got a new boyfriend in the country she resided. But each time I had misunderstanding with my Chris, he would end up comparing me with her. This attitude made me feel so bad.

He said he loved me and wanted to marry me when he got enough money. So, after four years of relationship, I insisted we did our wedding since I wasn’t getting any younger. Meanwhile, the Other Woman got married same time we did our wedding. So the drama between them ceased but my ex-husband continued flirting with random girls.

Most times, he would leave his wedding ring at home so he could flirt.  I screamed, pleaded and cried just so he could stop. I also prayed daily for him to change because I loved him so much and he meant everything to me. He actually changed and for two years there were no strange numbers calling him at mid nights and he stopped his night clubbing habit. We were both happy and peaceful.

My happiness was cut short when we started having issues concerning having a baby. He had told me he needed no baby yet. So he ensured he didn’t get me pregnant. Each time he didn’t use a condom, he would compel me to take contraceptive pills. Besides, our sex life was boring as he barely kissed me during love making. His attitude was killing me but I had no one to share my plight with. I was just there, acting like the perfect wife who endures every shit.

I heard nothing about the other woman for those two years. I had searched for her on social media but her profiles were deleted. I asked my ex about her and he told me he had lost contact with her. I remember the day I saw a cute baby’s picture on his device. I asked him whose baby it was and he said it was his distant relative’s child. But when I noticed that he was always getting recent pictures of the baby which he often stared at, I suspected something was fishy.

We both had a joint account then one day he mistakenly transferred money from that account and when I checked the transfer details, guess what I saw?  I saw a lady’s name. Although, the name was unfamiliar but the transfer description stated “Money for baby’s upkeep” so I was confused. When he got back from work I asked him about it.  He said it was some lady he barely knew who met him for financial assistance.

I didn’t believe him so I searched for the name on social media and guess who I saw?  The Other Woman, Joanna, his first love.  She had a new identity. Yes! She was the one he had sent the money to. When I went through her pictures I saw same baby on my husband’s phone. I needed no soothsayer to explain to me what had happened but in order to confirm my suspicions, I asked him about it and he finally accepted that he was the child’s father.

“How can you be the child’s father, wasn’t she married?  I screamed. He narrated that she was married but only for seven months. She had divorced her husband for charges of domestic violence. She had also relocated back to the country. So those times my ex-husband had traveled on business trips, he had actually gone to be with her.

I was cold and speechless. Hot flashes of tears dropped down my eyes. I felt like an earthquake had happened on where I stood and I was beneath the surface. I was weak. The worst of it was when he said;

“I am very sorry for hiding it from you. I knew you were gonna find out someday and I would have told you but I didn’t want to hurt you. Please forgive me. ”

“Gosh!!  Forgive him?  Was he worth forgiving? If he knew he didn’t love me enough, why did he marry me?  What wrong did I do to him?  Why should it be me?”

Those questions rushed through my head. I just didn’t know which one to find answers to. All those years his body was with me, his soul and mind was with the Other Woman. He had told me he loved me and vowed to be with me forever.  But he only used me while she was far away. I needed to set him free so I signed those divorce papers. It was a difficult decision but I took it. I needed him to be happy. It’s been three years now and I have moved on.

Looking back, I find it a hard pill to swallow. Loving someone so much and hoping your love would conquer all his faults then instead of getting love back, you got a heartbreak.  I felt I deserved it. Some persons also said I saw the signs but still married him. What else was I supposed to do when I was so in love with him?  Although, I have been healed of the pains but each time I look back to yesterday, I still see those scars. Yes! Beautiful scars that made me stronger than who I was yesterday.”