Tips on Rebuilding a Crushed Self-esteem after an Infidelity

Jessie was a poor girl who worked as a cleaner in a bank. Although, she didn’t have enough money, she had dreams of going to school and was saving her little earnings for her education. At her work place she fell in love with Sam, who was an accountant.  He was the cute, funny, intelligent and rich guy. Everyone liked him especially for his charisma.

Their love story started the day she wore a nice dress to work and when Sam saw her, he told her she looked beautiful. They later became friends then lovers. Four months into their relationship, she got pregnant and they decided to get married. Two years into their marriage, Sam lost his job so their finance became low.

During their hard times, she noticed that Sam’s attitude changed towards her. He was always getting irritated at everything she did so she felt it was the anger of losing his job that made him act so. He would abuse her and call her names like; “bad luck, waster, lazy, useless, illiterate, etc.”

At that time she was pregnant with her second child; she had lost the first one during child birth. Of course, she couldn’t do any job to assist the family; besides, she didn’t have a degree to get a well-paid job.  Finally, her husband got another job but his attitude didn’t change towards her. He continued to disrespect her and this made her lose her self-esteem.

The last straw was when he started cheating with another woman and on confrontation; he said he did it because his wife was useless and boring to him. Few months later, he told her that marrying her was the biggest mistake of his life and he needed a divorce. They got separated three years after their wedding.

After the separation, this lady couldn’t do anything for herself. She had tagged failure, worthless, useless, foolish, lazy and unfortunate to her identity. Yes! She walked with her heads bowed and slowly she was sinking deep into depression. She couldn’t get good jobs because she always confessed that no one would hire her. She couldn’t make new friends because she felt they were better than her. She was just living alone in her shady world.

Infidelity has a way of debasing the self-esteem of the betrayed spouse. Just like Jessie, lots of people live a dull, restricted and unhappy life because of their past experiences. They feel they aren’t good, sexy, brilliant, strong, and lucky enough because their ex said so.

This mentality prevents them from exploring and finding happiness in them and in other people around. Do not let someone else’s perspective to affect the value you place on yourself.  Know that people’s words or attitudes toward you are a reflection of who they are not who you are. The keys to your happiness and success should be with you only.

However, if you are already suffering from a low self-esteem, we would like to guide you on how to recover and protect yourself from feeling low ever again.

Identify your values and strengths:

In life, you may have been crumpled by people or events. Perhaps you have been thrown to the ground and sometimes even felt trampled.  These impressions that you have felt, those negative feelings that have penetrated you, have left you with a very unpleasant feeling of worthlessness. When in reality, you are priceless.

Everyone was endowed with unique abilities so identify yours so you can show it to the world. Your enemies only see your weaknesses so you should focus less on your weakness and more on your strengths. Your strengths are your assets so use them wisely.

Don’t be men pleasers

Being aware of one’s personal worth means paying attention to one’s own feelings. Many of you try to focus on the feelings of others and not yours. You have no reason to neither explain your choices nor prove to others your value. Accept your feelings; do not analyze nor doubt them. As long as you are sure of doing the right thing then do not always ask yourself, “What would people think about me?”

Trust in your ability:

When they tell you that you are not good, you would agree. When they tell you that everything is your fault, you would agree. Come on! Don’t you have trust in your abilities? You have to make the distinction between being open to constructive criticism and putting your best into achieving your goals.

Be your motivator. What is it they said you can’t do? Try it out and you will be surprised at the results. Trusting in your self helps you to overcome your fears which prevent you from exploring your world.

Build your confidence

You may have lost your confidence due to your relationship issues. After your partner left, you have been feeling like you aren’t worth anything better.  You walk with your heads low because you don’t want people to see you and start talking trash.

So what if your marriage failed, does it mean you should be ashamed? No dear! Get back your confidence. When you walk on the street, walk like a bold lion. You are a valuable, no matter what happened in your past.  All the experiences you have had should make you stronger.

Don’t be afraid of loneliness…. Be your best friend

The fear of loneliness is one of the reasons why people stay long in wrong relationships. It is better to stay alone than to be with a toxic person who demoralizes, limits, abuses and enslaves you. You don’t need people in your life to be happy instead your true happiness should come from within you. The best companion that you need is you, so be satisfied with yourself first before looking for satisfaction in others.