“So I’m asking you all, are there any really good answers or hope?”
My husband and I have had this cycle of catching him viewing porn for what seems always. We’ve talked about it and it goes away then somehow comes back.
About 4 or 5 years ago, I decided to check the telephone bill to find numerous strange numbers. We talked about it and I had given him basically an alternatum once he admitted to actually talking to a women truck driver who traveled in the area. I can’t remember if they had made plans to hook up. I may not have even asked.
A year ago, out of no where while he is working and staying about 3 hours from home he would visit us on the weekends and nothing at all seemed out of the ordinary or indifferent. It was hard for both of us to be a part. But it was harder for me to be “playful” and have sex. It was like relearning him all over. Plus, there were stressors at home, I was going through some physiological “women” issues and hell I even thought I had an STD but didn’t know how to tell him or I just didn’t want to believe it.
Anyhow, I was missing him badly. We would communicate to each other throughout the day off and on, but generally at night. He would text me or I him. We’d go to bed and that was that. When he would retext me or answer my calls I just got more angry those two nights. I was drinking and stuff at home.
I called my pastor and he contacted him and the next thing I know he called, admitted to an affair and wanted a divorce. Shocked to say the least and going through all kinds of emotions. I took the next few days off. Did some praying and thinking. Going through a flood of emotions. I wanted my husband back but I didn’t contact him anymore.
The third day he called and asked for forgiveness and if he could come home. I was praising God and thinking it was a miracle. And it was. He came home and I knew all that he told me was true on how ashamed and bad he felt. We sort of went through some of our own counseling, watched some Christian based dvds and did a lot of things together as a couple. He’s been pretty open when I’m have a blue day to answering questions.
I have nightmares sometimes. I still have questions that I can’t quite articulate to ask or have asked, but there are so many I can’t remember them all to ask. And I wish sometimes he would just start from the beginning and go through but I don’t think he can articulate that either. Or maybe he’s just not going to offer and just wait for me.
The thing is this past year has been pretty good considering. But recently I just happened to look on his phone and find where he has been watching porn again. I immediately put the phone down and move on. But a few days later decided to look once more. I checked out his history and there are dozens and dozens of pron sights and he even went back to the Craigslist personals again which is where the affair actually began. I was mad, but then again I was mostly numb. I wanted to cry but almost couldn’t.
Needless to say he FINALLY somewhat admitted he may have an addition problem. After years of trying to start a conversation about it with him he admits it now. I go through waves still of wanting to trust what he says is true about wanting only me and wanting things to work.
But there are days when I’m obsessed with things and the more I think about it, research about it the more I feel that there is no good answer to all this.
So I’m asking you all, are there any really good answers or hope?
What do you think? What advice could you give Sean about his girlfriend? Comment below.