Everyone faces challenges when it comes to the dissolution of relationships. Feelings run high. Sensations of loss and instability plague even the most assured individuals. It takes more than a strong will, a blind eye or even a new relationship to help someone get to the healthy place they seek. In order to find what they need, one must push through the pain toward wholeness.

Why It Should Happen?

Think about when an injury to the body is sustained. What does it take to return to full health and perform even everyday functions without pain? If someone suffers long enough, they may not ever move, sit or even breathe without feeling as though they are being challenged by the actions. A feeling of hopelessness may creep into their lives.

Relational pain falls into the same category. Just as recovering from a broken limb, one should deal with their emotional pain and move along the path to recovery. They can only enter into a healthy relationship after addressing the fallout of the previous one. The simplest thing to do is take a slow and healthy approach to deal with all the issues and make slow progress.

Using the Mind

Some steps require using reason to catalog and note patterns. One of the strongest skills people, even those not professionally trained, have exists in recognizing patterns. This simple skill can expedite the process permitting quicker recovery.

Make a List: Start with a simple breakdown of what happened listing all the aspects of the relationship. The more complete the analysis then it will point to all the things treasured and lost within the relationship.

Look for Patterns: By using the list and the recent relationship, one should see if they can find repeat occurrences within prior relationships. This can be difficult since most people want to forget their worst attributes. For example, someone taking into account how unchecked jealous has damaged trust may find it hard to face.

Assess the Causes: More than lists and patterns, you need to see how much of these fall into areas you had a hand in manifesting. This can be hard because the temptation is to take too much or too little responsibility. Often extremes fail to affect a true changes. Also, a negative in one relationship may become a positive in another.

Now, The Heart

The mind, though great at cataloging, never fully processes things outside of a coldly clinical approach. To truly release the past relationship, one must engage the heart because it performs vital tasks. Let’s look at some things the heat is well designed for.

* Grieving: Releasing pain after acknowledging the damage it has cause through the many aspects of loss happens in the heart.
* Finding: Being drawn to important things like connection and communication can be sensed through the heart.
* Treasuring: Holding onto key parts of relationship often occur in the stronghold of the heart.

The past can be a beautiful story carrying one forward in to richer relationships or an anchor dragging everyone to the bottom of a sad sad sea. Seeking health, using the mind and accessing the heart frees one from the negative bonds of the past. It takes bravery to enter this struggle and perseverance to reach the end. Be strong, be brave and stay with yourself. Only you can find the freedom you seek, so press on through and forward.

Photo by Andrew Ly

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