The Discovery:

When I got married to Ken I had to relocate from my city to another where we rented a new apartment. It was a new vicinity with no friends nor relatives, just my husband and I. After some time I got talking with the lady next door named Melina. She was beautiful, kind and friendly. During the first few months I moved in, she would take me out on a stroll just to get me acquainted with the vicinity. She was such a darling.

Melina was actually separated from her husband and was living with her two kids.  From being close friends with me, she became close friends with my husband. Coincidentally, they both had their offices located in the same area so each time she didn’t have gas in her car, my husband would drive her to work.

For the first one and half years of my marriage, things were cool. Ken was the loving, respectful, open, sweet and darling husband. Suddenly, his attitude started changing. He was becoming too picky, secretive and was gradually withdrawing from me. Initially, I thought his attitude was due to the stress he was facing at work. So I decided to be patient with him hoping he would change back to the man I married.

Days and weeks passed but he didn’t change. I started observing him closely. I noticed that he was frequently returning home late from work. On one of those days, I went to meet up with him at his office without informing him that I was coming. Unfortunately, he wasn’t there and when I called him he lied that he was at the office. That was when I knew something was wrong.

I love respecting people’s privacy so I never bothered checking his phone. But a day came, I needed to get our doctor’s phone number so while I was searching through his phone, a message popped up. I had to open it. I was surprised when I saw that the message was from his mistress. After a thorough check on his phone I found out that he was cheating on me with our neighbor, Melina.

Dealing with it:

I never knew my heart could beat so fast and loud but on that day I heard the doop-doop sound clearly. I cried, screamed and hit him. I felt like I wanted to die and was going insane. I angrily packed some of my things and went over to my parent’s house. Ken had tried apologizing to me but at that moment, I was neither ready to listen to his explanations nor apologies. I just carried my little baby and left.

At my parents place it wasn’t easy dealing with the thoughts of the betrayal. At nights, I couldn’t sleep as I always cried all through.  I started isolating myself from everyone and wasn’t giving my little baby the care and attention she needed.  This phase didn’t last for long. I had to fix myself up especially for the sake of my daughter. On several occasions, Ken tried reaching me but I refused talking to him. When I was a bit calm I accepted to talk to him.

Before we met up, I wrote down all the questions I had for him. As we sat down there l dished out my questions one after the other. Although, some of his response seemed foolish to me, I stayed calm and listened to him. When he was done with his explanations and apologies, I walked away without saying anything. I needed to spend some time alone besides forgiving him immediately wasn’t what I could handle. I needed him to spend some time without me too.

My Decision:

I stayed at my parent’s place for a while. During that period, I groomed myself to move on and forget about the incident. Each time I felt down, I would watch a movie, play with my baby or go shopping. I avoided lonely moments as they brought flashes of the incident to my brain. Also, I signed up for some online therapeutic sessions where I was guided on forgiveness, recovery and moving on.

From everything that happened I realized that my husband was actually seduced by the other woman. She had wanted to take away my man.  If I had given up on my marriage, she would have probably moved in with my man. I loved my husband so much as to let him off so easily especially when I knew he wasn’t the flirty type. He only cheated by chance. I also loved my daughter so much as to separate her from her dad from such a tender age.

So I reconciled with my husband. Initially, I found it difficult to trust him again as I was always suspicious of his every move. We had to work on building back the trust so our marriage bond became stronger and closer. Each time we have sexual advances from outsiders, we would share it with each other instead of keeping it as a secret.

My Advice:

After an affair, you would have to make a decision to either continue in the relationship or break up for good. During this period, many voices would advise you to leave the marriage while few would ask you to stay. You don’t always have to depend on what people tell you as some might mislead you. Learn to follow your heart. Making the right decision won’t be easy as you might find yourself confused.

First, before making a decision, ensure that you have gotten over the intense feeling of annoyance. Angry people tend to make wrong decisions. Then, take out time to figure out all the good things your spouse has done for you. Think about your happy moments and the promise you had made to remain together forever. You don’t want to throw all that into the trash, do you?  Analyze what you would be losing or gaining if you stayed or left. Your happiness and security should be your top priority in making your decision.

No doubt, sometimes an affair could mean the end of your marriage especially when your spouse falls in love with this new person. In such situation you shouldn’t force him/her to stay with you.  You should let go and move on. Traveling on the recovery path would be difficult at first but you would be fine on the long run. You might even meet someone better and start all over again. But I would advise you don’t rush into a new relationship as you might be too broken to make the right choice of a partner.

Give yourself some time to heal and also focus on finding your true inner happiness. If on the long run, your spouse returns remorseful and asks for another chance, you can decide to find a place in your heart to forgive and welcome him back again. Your later days with him might turn out to be the best you ever had.

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